We won't sleep together?
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
