whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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