I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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