i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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