I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
