Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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