your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
