How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
