i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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