Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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