Where did you get a picture of my penis
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize