Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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