you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
