Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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