I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
