I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
