You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize