She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
