i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
