i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
