Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
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