ya dads aren't the best wingmen
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
