how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
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i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
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Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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