dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
