do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
