y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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