Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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