I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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