Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
