I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
