are you so shy because you have an std?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
