i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
