so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Randomize
