I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
