Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
