He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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