My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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