is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
