I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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