i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
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Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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