beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
