I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
i came on her dog
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
