we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
