just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
