If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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