Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
