At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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