The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
