Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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