So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
