I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
