IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
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We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
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Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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