you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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