Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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