so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
