My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
