there's paper in my vomit.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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