he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
