Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
