i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
My first STD was from a foam party
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
