Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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