I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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