Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
