I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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