2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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