how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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