He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
