haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
