Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
