just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
