I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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